you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
