I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
