Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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