I need to stop coming to work sober
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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