there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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