people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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