One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
