Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
