dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
