i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
