with your own penis?
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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