it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My breasts were aching with rage.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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