Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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