That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
