I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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