You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
