do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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