Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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