Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
