I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
