I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
