I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize