party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
