You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
