have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
