Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
