I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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