You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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