I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Need sex. Gaining weight.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
