She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
