wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We left the knife in your bed.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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