her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
