Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
