Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
