Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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