Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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