Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
