just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
