I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
