I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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