hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
