Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
