My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
