if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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