who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
