I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Randomize
