Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize