Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
