The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
