yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
