i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
