____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
