plz talk dirty to me
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
