FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize