Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
True strength comes from lack of pants
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
