my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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