I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
