I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
