I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
