Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
