So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
