Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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