speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
