Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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