I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize