john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he fucked my hip out of place.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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