i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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