I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
