I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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