There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
