oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
we're so committed to being not committed
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
