somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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